Here’s a quote I read recently and want to share with you now:-

“When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn’t change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn’t change my town and as an older man, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realized that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could indeed have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.”

Unknown Monk
1100AD

Most people I work with who are excited about change in their life also experience being overwhelmed by the thought of what that change involves. When I work with a client we discuss what’s holding them back, what systems need to be put in place – not just to keep their life moving but expanding. And almost without exception that’s when the first hurdle arrives. The magnitude not just of what needs doing in one’s environment but also within oneself comes clearly into focus. The system, the structure to support the system and the support itself is there because we have put it in place but it is precisely when clarity is allowed a glimpse into reality that the big picture of where you are and where you want to be seems an overwhelming journey.

When we embark on change, whatever that change may be, personal or professional that desire, that passion for change comes from a big place inside of us.   Focusing on the BIG picture and looking at your current reality in the present can lead to a big overwhelm. It is important to know the big picture and keep it in your mind’s eye, kind of like having a lighthouse that guides you and keeps you going in the right direction. But in order to achieve a goal, get where you want to go, you need to focus on where you are and the path in front of you. The work I do is about creating a path of least resistance for your journey. Your work is to keep the passion in your heart.

I have found that quote so helpful because for me it reminds me to take care of the details, take care of myself because then that guiding passion and light wont go out.

Really it’s all about perspective; how we see or experience something is not necessarily the only way or even, at times (like for me yesterday), vaguely realistic. It can be very frustrating not to mention alarmingly confusing when we find ourselves not being able to figure out how to organize our home when we seem to be able to have a perfectly organized office. Or when we were single somehow everything found a place but now that we are sharing our life with someone we find it almost impossible to even find a place for our tooth brush! It’s very common.

Yesterday I had the perfect excuse to go for my first drive in a car on my own! I was so looking forward to it. I needed to pick up some supplies for a client in north Toronto and drop them off to her home in east Toronto and following that I had a meeting not too far away. It was ideal. I got into the car and made my virgin voyage odyssey. I drove to the store, picked up the supplies and then headed east to her house. I couldn’t believe how easy everything seemed with a car. I drove up her street, saw her driveway and drove up. I thought to myself “Wow, this is so cool!” I did a flawless reverse out of the driveway when I had dropped everything off and headed to my meeting. The whole day was perfect, blue skies, hardly any traffic – couldn’t have been happier. When I returned home I dropped my client a quick note saying I had left her supplies in her back garden on the glass table.

My computer made a sound informing me a message had come in… from my client marked URGENT. “How odd? I wonder what’s up?” I read her message. “We don’t have a glass table in our back garden” Blimey!!!!! Where the +%$#@ had I left her things! I mean I distinctly remember driving into her driveway. I am sure it was her driveway. Turns out it wasn’t. I had left all her things in a complete strangers back garden. The stranger happened to be a friend and neighbour of my client so all worked out well.

But here’s why I mention this: I had only ever approached someone’s house as a passenger or pedestrian. I had never driven up a driveway. Until yesterday evening all driveways looked alike to me. Of course I didn’t realise that all driveways looked alike to me but obviously they did or I wouldn’t have driven up a complete strangers driveway, unloaded my car and made the few trips back and forth to their back garden dropping strange boxes off onto their glass table. I have no idea what they thought looking out at my happy face.

When we take on a new role, be it as a parent, a partner, or entrapreeur – we think that everything looks and is the same. But our world has changed but we are still looking at it through our old eyes – and they don’t give the true picture. Organizing your office when you are now sharing it in the same location as your home and personal life does change everything. It means seeing things from a new and completely different perspective. A lot of my work when I first start with clients is about getting them so “see” things in a new way. Not trying to fit the new life into the old perspective. Your life changes regardless of whether you see it or not. It’s all about perspective and learning to “see” in a new way. I promise I will never look at a driveway in the old way again!

I passed my driving test! First attempt too. When I reversed the car into the parking space at the end of my test I was almost sick with dread and shame. I dreaded being told “You seem like a nice person but you and driving? Yea not a good mix. You failed – but that’s a good thing as the world is now a safer place. All the best with being a passenger!” And I was full of shame because here I am a mature somewhat intelligent woman in my 40’s only learning to drive now. Particularly in North America where most people learn in their teens.

I switched off the engine of the car. I had no idea what to say or if I should remain silent and wait for the dreaded news that I was a hazard on the road. He looked down at the form he had been taking notes on and said “Well, I have to tell you… you passed, congratulations”. Seriously, I was so stunned I didn’t even get excited. I looked at him as if he insane and said “Are you sure?” Apparently it was true. We shook hands and he hopped out of the car. I saw my driving instructor was making his way over to me. I opened the car door and fell flat on the ground – my legs had turned to jelly! I had to laugh then.

I mention this because it made me think about fear and why I had put off learning to drive so long. Well, I knew why. I had been in a few minor car crashes in my youth and also lost a favorite teacher at school because she was killed tragically in a car crash. And the subconscious conclusion I had come to then was that cars are like tanks and they kill people and animals. And this belief stayed with me my whole life!

Recently I started with a couple of new clients who remarked that they had put off calling me because they were too embarrassed or too frightened or waiting till they felt more positive about things. It’s very common for people to say to me “I know this is easy, I should be able to do it”.  Why do we fear asking for help with the basic things in life? Because they are basic and somehow we make the conclusion that if something is basic then it should be easy and not require any help.

I find that men feel less unease in asking for help with their home office or home than women do. As women feel we should have this “keeping house” down pat. But our offices, our jobs, our lives and our homes are more complex now than they were for our parents. Doesn’t mean that life wasn’t harder for our parents but the boundaries of the different roles they played in their lives were clearer. Sunny Bates explains it so well in this video post.

Sunny Bates on Linchpins, Passion and Fear from Seth Godin on Vimeo.

Putting off asking for help because of a belief system that says you should be able to do this on you own is limiting. It limits you from having the environment you need to thrive and relax in and it limits you in that it avoids growth and change occurring. Life always welcomes forward action.

Are you’re struggling with time, more specifically, the challenge with never having enough control over it and need to find a time management system?  In my conversations with clients about solutions to time management issues, it’s the selection of the system (because there are a lot of choices out there!) that is the first stumbling block.

What to Choose:

The two most effective time-management tools out there are;

1. Paper planner/calendar or

2. Electronic planner hand held/computer sync’ing device.

Desk agenda

It’s that simple. Seriously though what I mean in that statement is that you don’t have any post-it notes on the computer, magnets with reminders on the fridge, scribbles on napkins or multiple cute diaries and notebooks for each subject, room, briefcase or purse. One system, one tool. Effective time management starts with having it all in one place – your planner.

Paper or Hi-tech?

Think about your lifestyle: Honestly I think this is a very personal decision. You may not have a lifestyle that is full of meetings and appointments – your struggle with time is more about prioritizing than juggling. Or you may need both paper and technology. The trick is in defining what gets put on paper and what gets taken care of by technology. And remember when I say technology it’s not just whether you choose a blackberry, a palm or an iphone – it’s the applications you install on these devices that will really make the difference.

How many different aspects of your life are you trying to sync up? Are you juggling a busy career, family, hobby or higher education? If you have complex scheduling, particularly if it’s from different aspects of your life and locations then perhaps technology is the answer for you. On the other hand if you scheduling is not the problem but keeping track of what you’re doing and prioritizing then you may simply need an agenda.

Think before you choose: You need to think about how this piece of technology will work for you and how and where you will be using it.

1. How many people are involved in your scheduling network? Do you need a system that can be shared with others and different platforms? What is your major area of frustration when it comes to keeping your day on track? You need to look at your life before you look at how to schedule it.

2. Making time to keep on time. No system, whether it is paper or technology will work for you unless you routinely communicate with it, sync it with your computer and keep updating it. So, before you choose, think about the amount of time that you need to commit to maintaining it. If you are spending a lot of time co-ordinating your time and contacts then you might need to think about some kind of assistance – be it someone who works with you, or a virtual assistant.

3. Give it time to work! Give yourself time to really get to know all the bells and whistles that it comes with and invest that knowledge into how you use it and hang in there – it will take time.

4. Applications. The actual piece of technology you choose is only one aspect of getting on top of time-management. You need to also think about the applications (apps in tech lingo). You can do way more now than just send email, texts, keep contacts and have a calendar. There are a lot of apps out there and some of them are really cool.

I am visual, I scribble, take notes but until recently my scheduling was pretty simple so I had a desk diary/Notebook. I loved it. My lifestyle has changed now. I do a lot of traveling and juggling of my and my clients time. So, I now still have my paper desk diary which I look at every morning to get a “look” at the day and week (so that I can see the big picture). I also have a hand held piece of technology where all the addresses of appointments, contact information and times are logged. It also has a GPS so that I can have the map directions of where I am going. They are my needs and my priorities.

Apple iphone

I am crap at doing the dishes. It was always a kind of “back burner” kind of issue. I thought is was just one of those things; that most people really, really loved doing dishes. And though personally I never understood why this was so, I fully embraced all the offers of dish doing that occurred during my life. I don’t know who it was now but one day someone told me, very clearly, that I was terrible at doing the dishes. Anyhoo, time passed and during that time I committed to learning how to do the dishes. I even commandeered a good friend to give me lessons. Honestly. Like I am great at cleaning, gardening, cooking… organizing (of course!) but … I don’t know.. is there a talent for doing dishes? Is it a certain kind of “eye” you need for it? All I know is that when I do my dishes I have to concentrate and force myself to do them.

Anyway, today I was baking bread for Christmas Day while also preparing lunch and entertaining a friend who had popped around with seasonal good tidings. She departed, the bread was in the oven and I looked at the mound of washing. I felt so overwhelmed! I didn’t know where to start so rather than doing everything I had been coached to do I just turned on the hot water, filled the cleaning pad with suds, put a tea towel on the counter and got down to it. All seemed to be going well. The “keep the water running” trick generally ensures that the dishes are clean and rinsed. There was water in the sink and the… forgotten it’s name… the plastic thing you fill with water to wash the dishes in… that was full of dirty dish water too. I emptied it into the water already in the sink.

Something was wrong… the sink filled with water… nothing drained. Nothing. I poked around where the drain is in the sink. There was a lid of a tin of tuna in the drain. Easy peasy. I tried to flip it out. Everything, I mean absolutely everything I did seem to seamlessly meld it to fit the drain perfectly. I had permanently pushed the damn thing in place and could not for the life of me get it out.

And do you know what this intense moment of embarassement, horror and confusion reminded me of? It reminded me of when I first meet a client and we walk into whatever area of their home or life is in a state of chaos. They have the same look on their faces as I had in my heart. “I know this should be easy, honestly I have tried but I just don’t know where to start, get depressed… so I leave the room and shut the door”. That was exactly what I wanted to do there and then. But you really can’t do much in a kitchen without a working sink. And, and… because I realised that every day in the work I do I help people to become ‘unstuck” I really should be qualified to do my own “unsticking”.

1. Stand back from the sink (or storage room or office or whatever is making you overwhelmed)! Stand back and take a deep breath. Don’t exit however.

2. Assess the facts. I have a lid from a tuna can stuck in the drain of the sink. I can’t see said lid or drain as the water in the sink is dirty. Knives, forks and fingers have not worked to leverage it out. The tuna lid is metal. The sink is metal. I can’t wash my dishes ever again.

3. Establish goal. I want to wash dishes in the future, drain pasta, and clean vegetables – therefore I want to get the tuna lid out of the drain. And I want to do it without calling my landlord.

4. Set a time line. I have to make a second loaf of bread so will need to wash dishes again soon. Time line is… has to happen NOW.

5. Define your talent areas. I am a great conversationalist. I am great a cleaning my home. I am great at organizing, I am great at fixing things (like machines, furniture etc) and I am developing a talent and taste for wine.

6. See what aspects of your talents shed light on the facts and then what aspects of your talents can facilitate your goals.

And hey presto!  The tuna lid was metal. Knives, forks and fingers had not worked to leverage it out of the drain. I needed to wash dishes in the future and I was good at fixing things (tools) and was developing a talent and taste for wine. I pulled my corkscrew out of the drawer, drilled it into the tuna lid and popped that piece of tin out the the drain in a blink of an eye!!!

We all get overwhelmed. Washing dishes will always unnerve me on some level but by stepping back from the situation while remaining in it I was able to find a solution.

Part 2 - Friday 18th December

Medical: Last night I was up sorting through Lorraine’s files taking a look at all the medical information on Roxanne: reports, assessments, doctors, prescriptions, medical research, support workers… a lot of information, all of it important. I was so keenly aware of how much information and knowledge Lorraine needs to have have in her head and at hand at any given time. So, when you are creating your medical files be very specific with your categories. Particularly when there are other children and family members. Try not to make any “catch-all” categories like – “Info”. It may take more time to set up but it’s worth it.

These are the categories I set up for Roxanne for example: Assessments, Doctors, Medication, Receipts and Medical Research. Your child might have different needs. For example there may be a number of specialists involved – some behavioral and others clinical. So your Doctors categories may look something like this: Doctors – Speech Therapist: Reports, Doctors – Speech Therapist: Excercises. Be specific.

Part 1 – 13th December

I was talking with a friend of mine, Lorraine, a single parent who has a 22 year old daughter who is special needs and she mentioned how she wanted to find more support for her and her daughter. Children are truly the greatest blessing in anyone’s life. That doesn’t mean that rearing them is easy . There never seems to be enough time or energy to stay on top of the “managing” – logistically – of their lives.

But when you have a child that is special needs, a disability, disease,  those demands; time, energy, resources and finances seem to spiral out of control. Your time is focused on immediate needs. I asked Lorraine if she wouldn’t mind showing me all her paper files. She looked so uncomfortable, so sad. “There are no “files” Isolde” she said, “there are just boxes and boxes of papers. I make sure I keep everything but I don’t have the time to sort them”.

After taking a look at all of Lorraine’s files and discussing all the demands of her day to day life I resolved to take up the challenge and use this blog to chronicle the many areas and needs of organizing the life of a child with special needs.

Some of Lorraine's boxes of papers

Categories for filing

Assessments – Medical and Educational: This needs to be kept up to date. Quite often when you are looking to qualify for care, transport, medical accessories, extra curricular activities and government programs you will need to reference these.

Education – Report cards, Schools, Contact information for students and school, Calenders, Correspondence: Roxanne also has a seizure disorder which means that some days Lorraine will be talking to the school a lot or keeping her home. It can be very difficult to keep up to date with every teacher and classmates. There are always forms to be filled out too and keeping on top of these can take up a lot of time particularly when there is medication involved which there is with Roxanne. Keep all the report cards but make sure you keep the other categories current or it can get very confusing when you need a name, number or form immediately.

Extra Curricular Activities: Choir, swimming, art, Summer Camp, Potential, etc: Keep this up to date so that you know when to renew programs. Roxanne is sooooo creative – her art is fantastic. She also has perfect pitch as a singer and can sing every song from the Wizzard of Oz! There are so many programs out there. what usually happens is that you see a flier on a new one that looks promising but forget where you put it when you got home. That’s why it’s important to have a “Potential” file. Put all those fliers, notes etc in there.

As a parent, you may have experienced the panicky feeling before; suddenly you start forgetting simple things like names, tasks, phone numbers, addresses, or find yourself thinking “why did I come into this room?” And occasionally, a panicked feeling crosses your mind that one day birthdays and child-rearing memories will be gone. In my discussions with clients who are parents of young children, the inevitable “I think I have developed a memory problem” often slips out. I’ve heard “I think I might have Alzheimer’s” uttered under the breath of new moms too often.

It’s taboo isn’t it, to admit that you think you’re losing your memory… to admit your struggles as a new parent?

This phenomenon has been given a title - Mumnesia – and some say it is a genuine medical condition. Mumnesia is a symptom of complex life and societal situations and significant biological changes that happens to new moms.

Along with the stresses and pressures of being a new parent, there are also consumer driven messages to be a “good parent”; maintaining nutritious feedings, ideal childcare, picture perfect school schedules, extra-curricular activities, homework, friends, sleep-overs, shopping (the list goes on!) On top of the pressures to fit into the new parent role, the busy parents I meet with also balance the complexities of having and running a home, career, adult relationships and the struggle to find that work/life balance.

It doesn’t seem to me that the majority of the parents I work with have medical “Mumnesia“, but rather, are just new parents lacking the organizational tools that are essential for coping with all the new changes.

So what can you do to deal with this scary situation (on top of everything else you have to do?) First, take a moment to laugh at life’s simplest moments. Laughing helps me with stress reduction! This short video will make you smile.

Next, to cope with this worrying memory anxiety, use my tips for memory recall and task organization – these tips will not only help you to adjust to new parenting, but can help in any challenging new life situation.

1) Begin with a notebook - yes, writing it down really does help! Get one sturdy hard-cover notebook, and divide it into three sections; To-Dos, Communications (Call-backs), and Purchases; (books you want to read, courses you want to take, and the all important shopping list).

2) Log every call. Be sure to have the notebook with you each time you’re on the phone. Take notes – the phone number, what you discussed, the date of the conversation, and who you spoke to.

3) Cross it off! Note every action item, call or letter in your To-Do section. Review your list often, and cross off items as you go (even the littlest of tasks) – it will help!

4) Take it with you! The last section of your notebook should contain the names of books, classes or special interest purchases that you might want to make in the near future (kind of like a wish-list shopping list!). Having your action items, call list and shopping items in one book ensures that you’re not digging through scraps of paper, searching for that little post-it note, or forgetting the shopping list on the fridge. This hard-cover notebook contains everything you need to keep you on track.

5) A place for everything … and everything in its place. Yep. That’s right – your mother said it to you growing up but, in this case she did know best! File away important documents (couldn’t help it I had to mention filing!), and reduce those ‘Now where did I put that?’ moments by establishing designated places for keys, agendas, umbrellas….

6) Hydrate. One of the main symptoms of memory loss is dehydration. A lot of moms forget to drink throughout the day, so up you intake of water, herbal teas or fruit juices – now that was easy eh?